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It takes effort to understand and empathize with someone who has hurt you.
And you could think that unless the person does something to really forgiveness, you’d be a fool to forgive.
Forgiveness, it seems, is at least partly a matter of desert. Even if you think forgiveness is all about what’s best for the forgiver and not at all about the forgiven, you can still think that there are times when one shouldn’t forgive -- without assuming the wrong-doer can ever deserve forgiveness. I suppose if you stick to your guns, you can still allow that you should forgive in that situation.
Do you look for love and validation in unhealthy ways?
You must make the conscious decision to forgive your injurers, as Enright calls them, and give up any vengeful behaviors on your part.
But the difficult work is worth it: Decades of research from the field of positive psychology has found forgiveness can improve depression, anxiety and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.
Forgiving can bestow personal peace and even improve physical health. Because forgiveness is not about making other people feel better about their transgressions.
“Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong,” Mahatma Gandhi wrote.
Probably because forgiving is hard work, especially when some deeds don’t seem worthy of forgiveness.
When somebody wrongs us, negative emotions can eat away at us.
Suppose somebody does some terrible wrong to me and is totally unrepentant. On the other hand, you could think that when you forgive, you shouldn’t do it for the sake of the wrong-doer.